How Relational Trauma Impacts Our Ability to Trust and Form Relationships.
Relational trauma impacts the way that you approach any relationship, platonic or romantic. This abuse can be categorized as emotional, physical, verbal, or psychological abuse. It can also be considered feeling neglected by someone you used to trust. The pain and betrayal that occurred in the relationship can leave deep wounds. A relationship that used to bring you joy, fulfillment, and connection may now feel scary, overwhelming, and unstable. This can leave you feeling stuck in a cycle of fear and isolation. Relational trauma makes it difficult to feel safe and secure, to open up to others, and to be vulnerable.
When we experience relational trauma our brains develop coping strategies to help keep us safe in an unsafe environment and protect us from any further harm. These adaptive behaviors may have worked at the time, but throughout the years they can become maladaptive. For example, if you are hyperaware of your partner’s emotions because this is a precursor to abuse, you may always be on the lookout for subtle changes in emotions. Alternatively, you may withdraw and keep people and relationships at a distance and surface level to prevent yourself from being hurt again. This can lead to patterns like pushing others away when they get too close or clinging to unhealthy relationships out of fear of abandonment.
As you struggle to trust others, you can end up feeling lonely, isolated, frustrated, and confused. You might find yourself questioning other peoples’ intentions, finding it hard to believe that someone can genuinely care for you without a hidden motive. In loving and secure environments, you remain on high alert and expect the worst of other people. You also feel unworthy of the love you do receive because it’s no longer conditional. This behavior can lead you to either become overly dependent or withdraw, both will cause strain in your relationships.
Relational trauma can also impact your self-worth and self-esteem. When experiencing abuse, negative core beliefs about the self can form, such as feeling unlovable, unworthy, or destined for unhealthy relationships. These beliefs make it difficult to establish healthy boundaries, making you vulnerable to manipulation or codependency, which is when you prioritize the needs of others at the expense of your own well-being.
Therapy can help you heal from relational trauma and help you trust again. The therapeutic environment provides a safe and non-judgmental space to explore and process these vulnerabilities and gradually regain trust. By allowing yourself to address past traumatic experiences and challenging distorted thinking patterns, you can develop a more positive approach to relationships. As you progress through this healing process, your therapist will help you reach your goals. These goals may include learning to set boundaries, communicate your needs, and identify when someone is genuinely safe and deserving of your trust. Over time you will learn to make and form more secure connections, both with others and with yourself.
These are deep wounds that will take time to heal. It’s a gradual process that requires time and patience. The big picture may seem daunting right now but every small step you take brings you closer to regaining your sense of safety, connection, and self-worth. You deserve to cultivate relationships that empower and uplift you, rather than perpetuate past hurts. By confronting your trust issues and actively engaging in the healing process, you can liberate yourself from old patterns and embrace more meaningful and fulfilling connections.
